I never knew how much guilt comes along with being a parent.
There's guilt about not doing things the "right" way. There's guilt about not being the "perfect" parent. I love my daughter. I love her more than I ever knew it was possible to love. I look at her and can't believe what a miracle she is. I think she is beautiful and perfect and funny and cuddly. I talk to her, play with her, kiss her, sing to her, and love on her as much as I can.
And yet… I am glad to get a break from her.
Wow, it hurts me to write that. It's the truth, though. As much as I love her, she is a whole lot of work! I never knew how much work a kid really is. Not enough sleep followed up with being hyper-aware is truly and completely exhausting. And she's only been around for four months! I have to take it one day at a time or I might freak out. Still, I feel uber-guilty about wanting a break and getting one. I work 40 hours outside of the home, so I'm away from her for all of that time. Shouldn't I be able to revel in the time that I'm with her? And if I can't, if I break down and ask for help, aren't I a bad mother for needing a break when I'm already not with her all day every day?
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